


Through the Cracks

by lls_mutant



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: 5 Times, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-02
Updated: 2010-05-02
Packaged: 2017-10-09 06:31:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/84083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lls_mutant/pseuds/lls_mutant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five people who didn't visit Felix Gaeta in sickbay, and one who did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Through the Cracks

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [](http://falafel-musings.livejournal.com/profile)[**falafel_musings**](http://falafel-musings.livejournal.com/) for the beta! Written before 4.5 was released, or even the release of the 4.0 DVDs.

**1\. Helo**

As soon as Helo's off the Raptor, Hera's running towards him, her arms outstretched and her dark curls bouncing. And soon Sharon will be there, eyes shining and arms around him; he can hardly wait. He's grateful- so grateful- that he will be able to see them both, and that they can be a family again. He hugs his daughter, and for a second Helo forgets why he's in such a hurry.

Then he remembers, hands Hera firmly to the daycare worker that brought her down, and shouts, "Get a gurney over here now! And someone get Cottle immediately!" He swings back up onto the Raptor and kneels beside Gaeta on the floor.

Felix is gray and shivering, his eyes unfocused and half-closed. Now that they're here and medical help is on the way, Helo can admit he can feel the fever in Felix's skin, and he can see just how badly infected the wound already is. Then the medics are shoving him out of the way and lifting Felix up, and Helo's throat closes with fear.

"What happened?" Admiral Adama asks as Helo steps off the ship and the medical crew spirits Felix away. Helo tells him a highly edited version of the story, leaving out Starbuck bringing Leoben into her quarters and the crew's mutiny, and strongly implying (but not stating) that it was Leoben, not Sam, that shot Gaeta. Cottle passes by and he glances at Helo and the Admiral and shakes his head; it's not good. Helo swallows and tries to continue. "We couldn't leave," he finishes. "We couldn't risk that Starbuck was right, and this was our last chance to Find Earth."

Tigh's single eye fixes on him. "Well, why the hell didn't you put Gaeta in a Raptor and get him back earlier?" he demands.

And Helo freezes, because not one of them had thought of that. He tries to tell himself that they'd been too concerned with the basestar, but the truth is that helping Gaeta had just been low on the priority list. He bites his lip.

Admiral Adama comes to Helo's rescue. "Not enough fuel," he says, studying the figures someone just handed him.

Yes. But they should have at least _thought_ of it at all.

***

When Helo arrives in the sick bay, the operation is already in progress. Cottle's coat and hands are already stained red, and a nurse is talking quietly to Gaeta, who seems to be awake. Helo shudders; he would have been under long ago. A great sadness fills him as he watches; Gaeta only asked one thing, and Helo couldn't give it to him. If he could, he'd go over and be the one to hold Gaeta's hand and help him through this, but he knows that he needs to leave it to the medical team.

An amputation takes hours, so Helo takes a long and much needed shower, checks on the rest of the crew, reports in more detail to the Admiral and the Colonel and eats dinner with his family before he returns to the sick bay. When he arrives, Cottle is sitting at his desk, staring at a file and smoking a cigarette.

"How is he, Doc?" Helo asks.

Cottle snaps out his trance. "Well," he sighs, "We had to perform a transtibial amputation- take the leg- but you already knew that. As for the rest, he's young and he's strong, and he's healthy, so as long as we can keep any infection from settling in, he should recover."

"Can I see him?"

Cottle shakes his head. "We finally got him to sleep, and that's what he needs more than anything right now."

"All right." Helo extends his hand. "Thank you, sir."

Cottle exhales a puff of smoke, long and slow. "I don't know what reason you had for letting that boy go for over fifteen hours before getting him some medical treatment, but I'll trust it's a good one."

"It is," Helo says, praying that he's telling the truth. "It will be worth it." He turns around and heads out of the office, but when he glances back, Cottle's still sitting at his desk. And this time, he's just staring into space and not even pretending to read.

***

He tries a few more times to see Gaeta, but every time he makes it to the sick bay, Gaeta is sleeping, or suffering whatever other indignities Cottle can think to inflict on him. But he's trying to play XO, pilot, ECO, navigation, whatever Adama can think of today… he's trying to be a friend, a father, and a husband… he's trying to keep the Fleet and the ship and humanity and his life from falling apart, gluing together whatever cracks he can….

And the hours slip by without Helo returning to sick bay.

**2\. Tyrol**

Despite their… brotherhood, if you can call it that… it's not Sam Anders who tells Tyrol about Gaeta, and it's not Tigh. No, the first time Tyrol hears about it is at one of Baltar's services, when Baltar asks his congregates to pray for the young serviceman, wounded in the search for Earth and fighting for his life. The way Baltar phrases it sounds over-the-top and melodramatic; the way his voice breaks sounds sincere. The service and the prayers are broadcast over the wireless, and Tyrol wonders if Gaeta hears it.

He stays after the service. The idea of talking to Baltar still turns his stomach, but he has to ask.

"He's an atheist, you know," Tyrol says, when it's just the two of them and Baltar's… acolytes, for lack of a better term.

"Excuse me?" Baltar asks, but it's confused, not confrontational.

"Felix Gaeta. If I remember right, he's an atheist. And I'm guessing you know that."

"Yes, well," Baltar demurs. "But he is still one of God's children, and most desperately in need of our prayers."

Well, Tyrol can't argue that last part, but he's still incredibly curious. "He tried to kill you. Three times, by my count."

"Four, actually," Baltar corrects him.

There's something perversely amusing about that, but Tyrol doesn't dwell on it. "He's tried to kill you four times," he repeats, "and you pray for him. Why? And don't give me any of this frakking shit about God's children."

Baltar steps closer to Tyrol in the manner of a confession. "I… I have made many, many mistakes in my life," he whispers. "I have hurt many people." And before he can continue, the knowledge comes crashing down and Tyrol knows that the rumors about Gaeta and Baltar are true, every one of them. And Baltar's words confirm it. "I have hurt many, but few things are more painful, more harmful than love given, taken, and then betrayed."

_Love given, taken, and betrayed_. And Tyrol doesn't even have to ask what Baltar means, because he _knows_, he's guilty of the same sins himself, although her name was Sharon, not Felix.

So he just nods, and then turns away and leaves the room.

***

"I hear you've been going to Baltar's services," Hot Dog says. "Are there really naked women and orgies at them?"

It's a stupid question, and even Hot Dog knows it. It's just a joke at Baltar's expense, one of many, and that's fine, because God knows that Tyrol hasn't completely let go of New Caprica. But the question freezes him, because if even _Hot Dog_ (who's been gone on that frakking Demetrius mission, to top it off) knows that he's attending the services, Gaeta's probably heard by now as well.

It's possible to forgive- Tyrol knows this better than anyone. He _married_ Cally, for God's sake. He gets it. But he still doesn't believe that it's possible for him to be forgiven.

He's almost to the sickbay. He stops, and envisions the look on Gaeta's face when he walks in, a known follower of Gaius Baltar.

He shakes it off for a minute and makes it just inside the door. And he's suddenly overcome with memories, in a flash flood he didn't expect. It feels like if he turned his head just that way, he'd see Cally, sitting on the table, broken jaw and bruised face, telling him she loves him. It chokes him, and between the two he just can't go in there.

He whispers an apology and turns around and walks away.

**3\. Tigh**

"You're late," Capricia-Six says, smiling with just a little bit of venom.

"Yeah, well, had to make a stop," Tigh answers. And because he feels like talking, he tells her, "One of my officers is in sickbay."

"Nothing serious, I hope?"

"Very serious. He lost his leg." She cringes, and he raises an eyebrow. "Wouldn't think you'd care."

"I do," she says simply, and he scowls at her.

"Yeah, well, I'm sure Gaeta would be touched," he begins. "I need to know-" and he cuts off, because her face is oddly still.

"Gaeta?" she whispers.

"Yeah, what's it to-" and before he can finish the question, New Caprica comes crashing down and he knows. "Oh, that's right. You would know him, wouldn't you?"

Caprica-Six shrugs, and Tigh leaves the subject. After all, he's here to interrogate her about others of her model, particularly this Natalie. But as she answers, a part of her is distracted, far away.

When he turns to leave, she asks, "Saul? How is he?"

"How is who?"

"Gaeta."

"I don't know. He was asleep when I was there." And he leaves.

***

New Caprica is over… it's long over. That's what he tells himself, that's what Bill tells him. But the ghosts haunt him anyway, and Saul doesn't think they'll ever stop.

It's usually easy to remember that Gaeta didn't collaborate, didn't betray humanity. After all, that mistake was corrected rather firmly once already. But it's not so easy to erase the memories and the images, and what he believed for four frakking months before the truth came out. And Caprica-Six's inquiry just drives it home.

No, Gaeta didn't deliberately turn against his people. Yes, he helped them, more than anyone ever knew. But the fact was that Gaeta put up the appearance of collaborating, and did it well enough to fool the Cylons. And to do that, you have to collaborate a little. And the evidence of that is there in Caprica-Six's eyes, when the bitch looks like she cares. He wonders what exactly her relationship with Gaeta was, and just how far Gaeta went to convince the Cylons he was cooperating.

It doesn't bother Saul that the hate consumes him right now. There's a price to be paid when you're an inside man, and Gaeta's paying it. It might not be right, but it's fair; it's there in the fine print, and when you take the role you know that will be the consequence. But he can't go in to that sickbay, can't offer sympathy and compassion- so hard to give anyway- to a man he nurtured a righteous hatred for during those four months. And Gaeta doesn't deserve what he'd end up seeing anyway.

It doesn't matter. Saul Tigh's never seen himself as a sickbed visitor; that's not the job of an XO. He knows the reports, had heard Cottle on the subject, and knows when Gaeta can be expected back at work. There are others better suited for this job.

**4\. Adama**

There's a lull, a rare enough thing in his schedule, so Bill grabs a book and heads to sickbay. He can make a two-for-one stop, and the thought rather pleases him.

But when he comes in, Gaeta's bed is empty. He glances inquiringly at Cottle, who gives a grim smile.

"He's getting cleaned up. Probably best not to disturb him right now; most amputees don't like an audience."

"Most anyone doesn't." Bill smiles. He fully agrees that Gaeta needs some privacy at the moment, so he goes over to where Laura is waiting, haggard and pale and looking like she'd rather be anywhere else. He doesn't start with the small talk and he can tell she's grateful- the diloxin has left her sick and drained. He opens the book and begins to read.

They're at a good part when there's a rustling in the background, and Bill turns his head enough to Gaeta's curtain being pulled back. He's still wearing a hospital gown and looks smaller and extremely young in the bed. It's a pitiful sight and Bill turns away, granting his officer privacy, and continues reading.

The detective has just starting talking to the victim's girlfriend when he hears Cottle's voice, low and gravelly, and actually laughing. He's next to Gaeta, and Gaeta's answer is obviously a forced good nature. And when Bill sneaks a peek as Cottle walks by, Cottle's face has fallen back into bitter, worried lines. He doesn't look at Bill and Laura; he only continues to study his clipboard.

Laura vomits. She does it as delicately as possible, but there really isn't a delicate way to do it, especially when it comes on like this. He moves around and supports her, holding back her scarf. When she's done, she sinks back against the pillow, eyes closed and grimacing.

That's when the singing begins.

Lee mentioned it in an offhand manner- "Did you know that Gaeta can sing?"- but Bill still wasn't prepared for the reality. Laura leans back, eyes closed, the lines on her face easing a little as she listens to the music. It resonates deep within Bill, throbbing in unhealed wounds and losses. He closes his own eyes, but the music doesn't bring the peace that it does for Laura.

"What are you thinking?" Laura asks as Gaeta builds to a crescendo.

Bill half smiles, but it's bitter. "I thought I knew my crew," he says, "especially the ones I rely on as much as I do Gaeta. It's disconcerting to find out I was wrong."

Laura takes his hand, amused. "The CIC isn't an opera house," she says. "No one could have had any idea."

"It's not the singing," Bill says. "It's the expression."

"Broken, like all of us," Larua says, closing her eyes again and Bill has what feels like only the vaguest idea of what she's referring to. Across the room, the narcotics kick in and Gaeta's voice fades. When Bill dares to look again, Gaeta's asleep. And more than that, his watch tells him that his hour is over. He pats Laura's hand and then leaves the sickbay.

He's always had his favorites, some part of him knows this. But he's never realized just how true that was until he heard Felix Gaeta singing.

**5\. Dee**

Lee doesn't visit the CIC often. Technically, he shouldn't at all; as the Caprican representative, he doesn't have the clearance. But nepotism has its advantages, and he's quietly talking with Helo. Dee tries not to watch them.

But she can't ignore it when Lee comes over to her. "Hey, Dee."

"Hey." She twists a dial that doesn't really need adjusting, looking busy and competent. "Didn't expect to see you in here."

"Yeah, well, something came up," he says. He shifts, and she knows whatever he's about to say next isn't small talk, although he'll make it look that way. "I just got back from sickbay."

Something inside Dee freezes. "So?"

"Have you visited Gaeta?"

Dee makes a face, deliberately causal. "I tried to. Cottle chased me away- said he needed sleep." She doesn't mention that that was only hours after the operation, and that she hasn't been back since. Lee nods, but he looks like he's far away. "Did you see him?" Dee finds herself asking.

"I went to see someone else," Lee answers, doing a very poor job of hiding that _someone else_ is Laura Roslin. "But he was awake when I was there. He was alone."

"Well, why didn't _you_ stop and visit?" Dee asks it like it was the most reasonable question in the world, and the truth of it is, it _is_ entirely reasonable. But that's not what's on Lee's mind. He shrugs, but before he can answer a call comes in for real and she has to work. He drifts away, much to her relief.

She resents the implication that he's trying to give her. Now that they're through, he wants her to be happy, to be loved, to be with _Gaeta_, and he'll even give his blessing. Like all a man has to do is get shot, and she'll go in, hold his hand, and everything will turn to true love and roses. She resents him telling her, no matter how subtly, how she should live her life, and she resents the hold he still has over her, the butterflies he still makes her feel when she isn't expecting it. And she resents being told to be the one to go and care, because she'd make such a better nursemaid than anyone else who should give a frakking shit.

She loves Felix, although not the way Lee is trying to tell her to. And she knows she should go down there and sit with him, talk to him, help him. But right now she just can't handle seeing him fighting like that, not yet. She's not proud of it- she _knows_ she's letting him down. But she and Felix have let each other down plenty of times before, and they've always forgiven each other. He'll forgive her again.

So Dee turns back to her work, but when she looks towards Felix's console and automatically smiles, her soul writhes with guilt.

**Starbuck**

The last thing she wants to do is enter that sickbay, but Kara steels herself. Somehow, she knows that this time he won't be sleeping or being treated or whatever frakking thing patients do, and she's right. Gaeta's sitting in bed, mechanically eating an algae special and taking notes on the sides of a document. As she gets closer, she can see that the writing isn't notes at all, they're doodles, and badly drawn at that.

She's never liked Felix Gaeta, and he's never liked her. She never really thought about that, but it's far from a shock. Gaeta's a good guy and he sure as hell knows what he's doing in the CIC, but he's prissy, rule bound, boring, and has a giant stick up his ass. And given that she nearly tossed him out an airlock and made his life a living hell for two months, culminating in this, she suspects his dislike is a lot stronger than hers. When you think about it that way, the only surprise is that it took her this long to realize it.

When she's at his bedside, he raises his eyebrows. "What do you want?" he asks, and then after a beat adds, "sir?"

Kara stuffs her hands in her pockets. "Look, I didn't come here to fight with you," she says. "I came to see how you were doing."

"I lost my frakking leg, how do you think I'm doing?"

"Narcotics are convenient, aren't they?" she smirks. "Say what you want to say, Felix, and we'll blame it all on the drugs."

But he shakes his head and says nothing, because really, there's nothing to say. She can pinpoint the exact moment that casual dislike turned to hate and a lifelong grudge, and that's not what she's interested in. "So," she says, when the silence stretches too long. "Cottle going to set you up with a prosthetic?"

He sighs, and sets his fork down. "No," he says, and there's a wealth of sadness in that one syllable. "Galactica doesn't keep prosthetics on board. There isn't one to be had in the Fleet."

"You could whittle a peg leg," she suggests. The words fly out of her mouth before she can think of them, but he huffs a bitter laugh, so it was actually the right thing to say.

"Me on a peg leg and Colonel Tigh with an eye patch. Think we can get Admiral Adama a parrot?"

For one brief moment they smile, and the tension in Kara's chest eases, just a tiny bit. She wonders if she should apologize for Sam, but damn it, Sam shot on his own, not under her orders. He can frakking apologize for himself. "Anything you need?" she asks, instead.

Gaeta cocks his head to one side, and suddenly, Kara notices that there is nothing around him- no personal effects, no chair… nothing. "A pair of sweats and some tanks," he says. "I'm sick of flashing the entire sickbay every time I get up to piss." And that simple request says more about who's been here- or not- than anything else could.

Kara nods. "I'll make sure some get down here," she says. She thumps her fist against her thigh. "Look," she finally says, "I've got to go." The shock and the pity of this situation are getting to her, and frankly, Gaeta's going to live anyway, so there's no use in her staying much longer.

"Right. Starbuck?"

"Yeah?"

"Why did you come down?" Gaeta asks.

She shrugs. "I was your commanding officer. We might not be best friends, Gaeta, but you were on my crew."

He smiles grimly. "Yeah. Thanks."

If she were sentimental, Starbuck would salute. But as it is, she nods to him one more time and turns and walks away. And as her bootsteps keep time, a muted melody lingers in the air.


End file.
